The Journey of the Hermit

The hermit - a place I’ve gone and frequented so often this year. 

It is the place of the humanitarian and the wisdom keeper. These individuals find their answers within and carry them out throughout the world. But to begin, they must dive into their inner landscape. Of course, this goes against our cultural conditionings when we’re taught to constantly be getting ahead, reaching the next goal, or striving for perfection. However, I chose to take a deep dive into the land of the hermit and face the stories that kept me running and through this plunge, the most beautiful gifts were harvested from the landscape of my own soul.

The stories and conditionings that used to push me - “you’re not enough unless you’re ‘doing’ something,” or “you don’t deserve to be on this planet unless you are constantly working towards a solution.” 

Those stories and conditionings weren’t based in truth - or the way that Nature works.

I never saw that by me simply authentically being me was enough to exist on this planet. I couldn’t see that my existence is miraculous and a gift to those around me. 

That I was enough just by simply BEING. 

This is the exact opposite of all of our cultural conditioning. 

I never gave myself time to rest, time to pause, time to just be - and even when I did, it was something to check off on my to-do list. Meditate, spend time in Nature… check! 

But then this past year, I received a huge wake up call. I couldn’t keep up with myself anymore. My internal and external demands were breaking me down. The guilt and the pressure I put on myself to continuously be doing, not honoring my own being as an ecosystem completely wore me out. The years I devoted into being the solution through all of the work I was doing… externally, I was thriving through the eyes of others, living off-grid in an ecovillage, teaching about permaculture daily, organizing community, but internally I was deeply suffering. 

I realized that through all of my actions, I wasn’t actually applying the principles of permaculture or regeneration to my inner landscape, nor was the organization I was working for. 

I wasn’t actually acting in alignment with Earth - I was acting out of the same cultural conditionings that are symptoms of what I call “Separation Culture”, where I extracted from myself, focused mainly on productivity, acted from a place of urgency, and disconnected myself with all of life, even though I was mainly focusing on permaculture work! However, the action was in the doing, rather than the being.

And so I just perpetuated the very system that I was trying to change… and it was breaking me down. I knew something deep inside wasn’t right and had to change. 

So I laid it all down. I stripped myself bare. I emptied myself. I moved into an isolated indigenous valley on the Big Island and reminded myself of what was true. I dove deep into my internal and external landscape and began unlearning, relearning, and rewilding… without needing to do anything to prove my worth or to feel worthy of existing. 

I interwove the lessons and teachings of the land into my being, creating an offering for myself to step into a truly regenerative path, that is not entirely based on external pursuits, but a way of being and existing in the world. 

I became in touch with my own seasons. I spent time every day drinking tea and allowing whatever wanted to come out on paper to emerge. I was able to see clearly the stories that held me hostage and begin to let them go. I hiked and listened to the forest. I spent my time doing only what was uplifting and learned what it was like to be in alignment. I began to be able to hear my own unique voice and essence. I began to see the things that I did in order to feel worthy. 

My relationships changed - to life, to others, to my food, to myself, to my service. No longer could I hold on to the things that weren’t working or didn’t resonate. No longer could I push myself to be the person that others expected or wanted me to be. No longer could I tell myself that I had to be something that I wasn’t.  

I shifted from the perspective of an inch deep and a mile wide to a mile deep and an inch wide. My impact felt richer, stronger, resilient, grounded, and steady. I began to grow it from my roots on up. I nurtured the seeds of deep presence, listening, somatic movement, ceremony, emotional intelligence, relationship building, and slowness. The feminine traits that we tend to deem as not as important or not logical. The very aspects that, I believe, will help us to be in touch with creating a more beautiful world. A world that is not purely based in productivity, extraction, urgency, outcomes, eradication of indigenous peoples, wisdom, and traditions, and separation from a natural way of living, with our sacred planet.

The hermit :: the place of solitude where we go to remember ourselves, our calling, our true nature, without any external influence, only our connection to Creation. 

Through these sacred times of rest, I have learned, and am continually learning each day, how to be of greater service to the world by living regeneratively from my heart and the roots of my being, rather than running around and trying to put out as many fires as I can. 

If we are aware and in-tune with all that is happening in the world, we can all easily feel overwhelmed. But when we come back to the deeper understanding of life, we remember that we aren’t doing this work alone and we all have a significant role to play that express our very own unique genius. We are interconnected with all of life and each action creates the world we are longing for.